League tables are renowned for realistic assessments of university performance to give wholly convincing rankings of institutions based on thoroughly credible criteria.
And of course all the top rankers are renowned for their steady eye and firm grip on reality. Which is why, from time to time, we need a bit more creativity in league table creation.
It’s all made up
A while back we humbly presented the 2019 ranking of fictional universities and it is now time for an update. So, once again it is our proud duty our this welcome counterweight to the harsh realities of the real rankings with an entirely made up league table featuring fictional universities and colleges from movies, books and TV (or some other entertaining purpose).
With yet another new data partner this year we can be completely confident that we have the most accurate, precise, data rich and exciting ranking of fictional institutions (since last time). And there have been some major changes in those appearing in the upper and lower reaches of the table. The algorithms here are simply too complex to explain so you’ll just have to take it from us, it’s all good.
Anyway, here are the all new top placings.
1 Winchester University (3)
2 California University (1)
3 Cow Eye Community College (10)
4 Monsters University (4)
5 Starfleet Academy (25)
6 Waindell College (9)
7 Wordsmith College (5)
8 University of Christminster (2)
9 Wellington College (6)
10 Hillman College (7)
11 Rummidge University (19)
12 Wrottesley Polytechnic (30)
13 Unseen University (22)
14 Empire State University (11)
15 Miskatonic University (13)
16 University of Southern North Dakota at Hoople (14)
17 Wetherton University (15)
18 Watermouth University (-)
19 Sweet Valley University (12)
20 Felpersham University (24)
21 University of Maximegalon (16)
22 Burston Central University (-)
23 Poltowan U (-)
24 Greendale Community College (23) 
25 DuPont University (20)
26 Scumbag College (-)
27 Gallifrey University (18)
28 Manchester Medlock University (-)
29 King’s College Dublin (8)
30 Bantshire University (-)
Big climbers this year include Cow Eye Community College and Starfleet Academy breaking into top 10 for the first time and there are also big leaps up the table for Rummidge University, Wrottesley Poly and Unseen Uni.
Important new entries include Burston Central, Poltowan, Manchester Medlock, Scumbag and, improbably, Bantshire.
And completing a terrific year for made up British institutions Watermouth University breaks into the top 20 for the first time. But I note a particularly super result for the very popular Winchester University which tops the table for the first time.
Heads will roll
There will be some difficult discussions around the board room table at Maguire University and the University of California, Sunnydale which both crash out of the table in spectacular fashion.
Sliding out of the reckoning too are a group of other US institutions including Euphoric State University, the University of Los Angeles and Eastern Arkansas University. And it’s a remarkable fall for King’s College Dublin where they will no doubt be crying into their Guinness tonight.
For those who doubt the provenance of some of these institutions Wikipedia has a comprehensive list (of the British and Irish ones at least). Do check the footnotes too.
The range of regular extra-curricular activities, and the resource given to that side of the student experience at Greendale, can make you overlook the subpar teaching, staffing and the tragic graduate outcomes there.
Also probably has more realistic grade requirements for me than Starfleet Academy.
We lost Poppleton 🙁
Apologies for omitting to mention the catastrophic decline of Poppleton University. It seemed better not to labour it.
CECC has commissioned a task force to research the methodology used. We believe we might have a claim to the top spot.
Judging by the social media profiles of many thousands of Brexit supporters on public forums (fora?) in the UK over the last couple of years, by far the best-attended higher education establishment in Britain these days is the University of Life. Followed closely by the University of Hard Knocks. Time for these august institutions to be included in the ranking!
Where oh where is the University of Trumptonshire in these rankings?, For so many years an august and historic institution but one which sadly many of our young students of today will not be aware of. The Mayor and citizens of Trumpton will be most disappointed.
This doesn’t mention UC Sunnydale, which surely must have risen in public awareness now that the full Buffy boxset is on All4.
Oh wait, it does, I read too quickly! Still think it should have been on the table.
Oxbridge colleges can stand alone in University Challenge so surely they can do so in the league tables as well – St Cedd’s College, Cambridge must deserve a place in the rankings for its contributions to chronology and archaeology.